Dr. Dino

My first visit to Dr. Dino felt like a bit of a failure. I didn't get to talk about what was wrong with me. Part of this reason is because I didn't go in to talk about my stomach or celiac, but my wrist. (Long story).

The other problem was this: Dr. Dino knew nothing about celiac. She kinda thought that she did, but she didn't. It was very frustrating. This blew my mind. I guess I always thought that doctors knew everything. Apparently they don't.

I sucked it up, went back. Between this visit and last, Dr. Dino had gone to a seminar on celiac. Not only that, I discovered, she's awesome. She was more than willing to work with what I've learned about celiac with what she's learned about celiac. Together, we figured out a plan. I rolled up my sleeve. She took two vials of blood. I talked about my tummy. She showed me the handouts from the seminar.

There's so much I don't know about celiac.

After just a few minutes with Dr. Dino, I learned that celiac ups your chances for so many diseases. Also, people who are celiac usually have many other diseases. That's not the case with me. I'm basically healthy, other than my big bloated belly.

The countdown is on. Celiac or not? We'll know for sure next week!

In the meantime, I'm so happy that I gave Dr. Dino a second chance. I realize now that I treated her like a business, rather than a human being. Businesses don't get second chances. People do.

Follow Me (But Not Too Close Behind)

Hey Farty Friends! Check out the sidebar. No, the other side bar. I added a twitter widget. So many people have been asking me what I eat. Now, if you want to know, you can get updates, by the HOUR! Recipes too. How awesome am I? Toot!

Glutenized, Again

GODDAMN YOU!!!!


Halfway through today's fourth bathroom break, I realized I was sick.

What was it? I wondered. Too much coffee? Maybe I'm really not celiac?

Back at my desk, I sipped on some water. A little bit of my lip gloss slipped off my lips and across my tongue. Oh FUCK, I thought. A quick trip to the gluten-free forum confirmed my suspicions. I've been applying it much more than usual too.

GODDAMN YOU, BONNE BELL!!!

I was doing so well.

Now what do I have to look forward to? Nothing. This weekend, I'll spend bloated, hungry, and unable to eat. This weird fullness will take over my body, making me feel like I'm digesting a twelve-course meal. Every night I will stink up the bedroom that I share with my sister. She'll sweetly pretend like it's not that bad.

GODDAMN IT!!!!

The ladies on the gluten free forum argue over solutions to being accidentally glutenized. Some say it's good to take a laxative. Others say that peppermint tea and bland foods work. Others say up the fiber. All agree: Drink lots and lots of water.

I have to teach at eight am tomorrow. But after that, I'm laxin' it up and spending all night reading, watching movies, eating gluten-free waffles, and crapping all the gluten out of my system.

FUCK YOU, DR. PEPPER CHAPSTICK!!!

Although, I can't be too mad. These last few days, I've been wondering if I really am celiac. Nothing can convince me otherwise now.

That said, I'm planning a funeral. This weekend, I will bury all of the gluten-full foods that I love, and say goodbye, once and for all.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!