I've been driving around, talking to myself in different UK accents lately.
What could it be? Am I splitting personalities? Have I been listening to the lovely brogue of Jim Cotter on WRTI, Philly's classical music station, too much?
Honestly? I think I'm going through Braveheart withdrawal.
Netflix took it off "Watch Instantly." So now I have to buy it.
It's one of the cheesiest movies ever. It's not even historically accurate. One of my students wrote a research paper on it! The real William Wallace was a ho with tons of bitches. He killed one of Longshank's soldiers by accident - that's how he got pulled into fighting the English.
So yeah. Mel Gibson is pretty much full of crap. I still love Braveheart though. I bet you can guess why...
A big HUGE thank you to all of you who read this blog and comment on it. I can't tell you how much it makes my day to hear from you! It's truly a blessing to have met so many cool, smart, funny people who care about food and making this world a healthier, yummier place.
Photos by: virtualtourist.com, birdwatcherdigest.com, globalvillageidiot.net, 3bp.blogspot.com, arcadiau.ca, emich.edu, John Lloyd Rooney, and me.
Already little green shoots have started to appear in the dirt around our mailbox. There are flowers all around our front stoop. With the help of last week's monsoon, all of the lawns have ripened to a fresh green. My Boston BFF's father calls it "acid green." I think of it as limey. What about you? How would you describe the fresh green of spring?
I celebrated the changing seasons by making up some lovely light and spring-y dishes. And I continued with the theme of the month - biting recipes off all my bloggie friends!
This bread is THE PERFECT for IBSsers. No typo there. It is THE PERFECT. It's light, but full of protein and fiber. It has a gentle sweetness and brownie-like moistness to it. I eat it as a three o'clock snack with Gena's Cashew Cheese... comin' up next!
To celebrate, I made her chocolates. I followed Averie's recipe - only I added a dollop of almond butter to the mix. Momma LOVED them. She cut the cups into fourths. That way she can savor them as long as possible! She's so cute, my mom!
This is us as little snickerdoodles together.
This is her touching my face at Christmastime.
This is me crushing her head.
As a little girl, I always wanted her to be my best friend. Now that we are both grown ladies (and teachers!), we are friends! I love her so much. Happy Birthday, Mom!
The twins love their fermented veggies. I had to jump on the bandwagon and try them out. This has been my lunch as of late - fermented cabbage and kimchi topped with lemon, nooch and hemp seed.
Again. This is another IBSser's dream meal. THE PERFECT.
With the help of Marilyn the Kefir Lady, I started making my own coconut milk kefir. It's been interesting. The last few batches have been very sour, so I'm starting to give away the extra grains. Anybody want kefir grains, email me!
I think that Iris and I have some weird foodie ESP going on. We both bought rice paper on the same day and were experimenting with it at the same exact time. How do I know? Because we both twittered about it at the same time! Twins!
Her first rice paper recipe - fruit roll ups - came out way better than mine. I tried to make a fermented veggie avocado roll up. It was drippy and fell apart.
The next morning I got up early and wanted a rematch with the rice paper. Quiet production was key. Because it was four am. Mom and Dad and brother were all still sleeping.
Hmmm...Maybe I should call this the "Quiet Cannoli"?
Vegan Almost Raw Cannoli
1/4 of block of organic tofu or 1/4 cup of pumpkin or squash puree
1-2 Tablespoons raw almond butter
2 Tablespoons unsweetened applesauce
capful of vanilla extract
pinch of salt
5-10 drops of stevia
Coconut, cacao nibs, and 1/2 packet of stevia on top
Mix, mix. Stir, stir.
Plop mess onto wet rice paper.
Wrap it up!
Can't end it this way!!!
I LOVE CACAO!!!
Not gonna lie - This definitely tasted more like dessert than breakfast. But, like the raw bread, it was light on my tum. I really appreciated that.
It's so so so AWESOME discovering foods that don't turn my belly into pregnancy. THANK YOU, blogger friends, for all that you do. By sharing your stories, you help create a neat little online community. By sharing your recipes, you make the world a healthier place!
The "About the Author" section has been completed up above. I included my whole farty story, as well as links to my publications and my real name. Friend me on Facebook, if you want!
The cake and coconut butter were sweetened with stevia. I finished off my Sweetleaf and turned to the dark side, Nu Naturals. Why is Nu Naturals the dark side? Because they sweeten their stevia with natural flavors and maltodextrin. It was a moment of weakness, I swear. And because Nu Naturals stevia is the most delicious stevia I've ever had!!! Damn you, flavors.
Don't worry, I'll get through the bottle quick.
Speaking of sweet treats, check out Iris' fruit roll ups!!! I'm totally making one of these for breakfast tomorrow!
Lots of people with digestive issues cut them. I have been back and forth. True to form - I've been farting around the issue quite a bit.
In Florida, I went from eating no soy for two weeks to crumbling tofu in my oatmeal every morning. Reaction? Nothing.
Last month, I went from eating no corn for two weeks to eating a corn tortilla taco at On the Border with my BFF. Reaction? Nothing.
Two weeks ago, I went from no soy, no corn, no coffee - to eating all three during a...
... chili throwdown!!!
(Blog is forthcoming! Promise!)
Reaction? Sick for a week. Keep in mind though, I ate A LOT that night.
Coffee and I dance one hell of a waltz. The first time I smelled it, I knew. Someday, we'd fall in love. Today, we are caught in an endless cycle. It pulls me in. I stay for a while. It's magic. But eventually, it burns me and I regret going back so much.
But I still like to think that I can have a cup now and again.
No lie - I'm lying in bed this morning, pre-caffinated, planning a trip to Wawa. For you non-Pennsylvania peeps, Wawa coffee IS the greatest coffee ever.
Sorry - I digress.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe I haven't stopped eating any of these foods long enough to get them out of my system. What is the industry standard for elimination? And is there a point in eliminating these foods? Why are they so bad for digestion?
Sometimes I think that it's not the foods that are bad for digestion, but the REPETITION of foods. Last week, I ate an endangered species dark chocolate bar over a span of two days. It DEFINITELY made me sick. But was it the soy lecithin in the chocolate or was it the fact that I ate it two days in a row?
I also wonder how "bad" any food can be for you when it comes FROM THE GROUND. Know what I'm saying? Processed foods and chemical additives are the truly bad foods.
Perhaps the rule of sugar stretches over all foods? A little is okay. But don't eat too much.
What do you think? What foods do you eliminate from your diet? Is it a specific food that makes you sick, or does repetition mess you up too?
I get up around four-thirty. I drive to one of the colleges where I teach English - an hour away. I teach at eight and at eleven.
The eight o'clock class is a bit of a miracle. It's a small class full of bright beautiful faces who all contribute to class discussions and want to work on their writing. One student asked me, a week or two ago, "Can you teach me how to use colons?"
I love them.
The eleven o'clock class is right before lunch. And that's all I have to say about that.
At twelve, I've done only half of the day. The classes that I take start at four. That gives me about a two-and-half hour break. BECAUSE it takes one hour for me to get from the college where I teach to the college where I go.
Now before you get on me about the sugar - there was only twelve grams. So far that day, I had maybe four or five grams. The rest of the stats were too amazing to ignore.
I LOVE anything that's high in fats, but low in saturated fats. Also - CHECK OUT THAT FIBER CONTENT!!! With five grams of protein TOO?
Here's what it looked like unwrapped...
Aaaand here's what I think about cacao.
It definitely has that fruity "health food meets junk food" taste. But now I know what that taste is. It's cacao. And man - do I LOVE cacao. I love that it's not dry or muddy like chocolate. It's wet. It's more like a nut. There's that satisfying CRUNCH and it fills your mouth with goodness.
In the Go Hunza bar, that CRUNCH was loved up by something extra. Underneath it was a classic chewy brownie yum. See?
It was one of those meals that left me SO happy. I drove on to class in a great mood.
What about you? What was the last meal you had that left you glowing?
In 2005, Farty Girl was diagnosed with IBS and lactose intolerance. In 2008, a gluten allergy. Doctors suggested meds.
FG decided to heal her explosive gut with healthy food instead. She read the books. She studied the labels. She sampled the indie brands. Today, she wants to pass that info onto you. In easy-to-digest blogs. But remember. Farty Girl is not a doctor or a nutritionist. She's simply a girl on a crusade to stop farting.