When my pals at Go Indie asked me to do a review on Kombuchick's three-day brew, it was a gracious offer.
I love making coconut milk kefir, rice milk kefir, and lemon water kefir. However, as an adjunct English professor, time is not of my essence. I travel hours from school to school. My boyfriend lives an hour away from me. I rarely sleep in the same place every night.
Also - home base is with my parents. There's NO WAY my father's letting me keep a two-gallon jar of jellyfish tea in the kitchen.
Look at that monster.
Daily probiotic brewin' just ain't happenin' in my parents' house.
But the three-day brew? Now that's something that works for me. That's something small. That's something I can let sit.
So in January, I set up station. When you order the three-day brew, here's what you get.
Jar, sugar, and tea
VERY helpful directions
I followed them like an evangelical follows the Bible. I sanitized EVERYTHING with boiling water. I made sure the sugar dissolved completely into the hot brewed tea. I cooled the tea in the fridge, before adding the scoby.
I poured the cooled tea into the jar...
... and everything fit PERFECTLY!!!
Then, I placed the scoby in the tea and set it in the warmest place in the house: my bedroom.
Our Blessed Mother of Booch
Did it work?
Yes and no.
See, I started this booch in January. Probies don't grow well in the cold. They need warmth. So even though I tried to grow this booch in a warm room, it was not warm enough.
Still. It took a WEEK. That's all. That's awesome.
Now that it's warming up in Pennsylvania, the booch is warming up too. It's taking five days, four days. By May, I'm sure it will be a three-dayer.
Much like kefir grains, scobys grow. Check out the farm I got goin' in this batch!
As you can see, in only a few months, I can make more kombucha, because I have more scobys. If you do this at home, please know that you don't have to pile on the scobys like I do. You can give them to friends. It only takes one scoby to make a good booch.
There are a lot in my jar because I'm an experimenter!
Kombucha is amazing for tummy probs, my fellow IBSsers out there. It's also invigorating. (I used to it get me off caffeine this past year.) I love drinking it when I'm on my long drives to and from school or the boyfriend's. It keeps me going and curbs my appetite.
So - If you are like me - stuck in your parents' house thanks to the recession, or maybe you'd just rather not have an enormous jar of jellyfish tea sitting on your kitchen counter - check out the kombuchick!
My love of carbs is not diminished by my favorite weight loss story.
Back in 2004, I waited tables at a prominent Boston tourist trap, pulling 13 hour shifts a day. The restaurant didn't allow servers to eat anything on the menu, and refused to give us breaks to run out to get grub. Complimentary cornbread was given out to every table. So that's what I pinched. All summer long, I subsisted off cornbread and Dunkin' Donuts mochas. And I lost twenty pounds.
Those pounds never came back. And yet, I've known for a while now that I'm not as thin as I should be. I am a gluten free, soy free vegan who counts her sugars and works out four days a week. And look at me:
Do I look like a fat girl?
Maybe not from this angle...
How about here?
Maybe "fleshy" is a better term?
Or there is the godawful "curvy" that is used waaaaay too much.
To get to the lardy bottom of me, I scheduled a wellness coaching session at my gym. In the meeting, Coach Mike measured my percentage body fat. I held my breath as he wrote down the numbers. It came out to 27%.
That's ten percent more than it was in college, when I didn't work out, when I was a smoker who drank forties of malt liquor every single night. That's also fifteen percent higher than I thought it would be.
Currently, my Fitness Pal has me on a regimen of working out four days a week for forty-five minute intervals and eating 1200 calories a day.
Mid-way through the very first day, I noticed something. Post lunch, I'd exceeded my fat intake, and way underscored my carb intake. Together, this added up to a high calorie count for the day, but without eating that much food.
Did you know that it's way less caloric to drink a vodka and soda rather than a Redbridge? Okay, that one doesn't surprise me. But it's nice to be reminded.
Am I talking bad about fats? Absolutely NOT! My problem was that I was eating far too much of them. I put nut butter AND coconut oil cacao sauce on my sweet potatoes. Then I ate a heavily noochy and evoo'd salad. Most days, I ate an avocado. For dinner, I threw a huge slab of vegan soy free butter into brown rice, amaranth or quinoa.
There's a lot of vegan butter under those veggies!
Combine these meals with a moderate workout aaaaand... I'm guessing fat's how I got my lovely lady lumps.
In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if my love of carbs is somehow instinctual. Could it be that my body is thinnest on carbs? Furthermore - how am I going to balance this fitness program with my super-raw IBS-friendly diet?
Two weeks ago, my girl Robyn from Go Indie got me thinking about making milk again. She had my boyfriend and I over for an amazing dinner. As we do when we get together, we talked vegan milk and cheese-making techniques. I looked at her pristine shiny blue-white bottle of hempmilk in the fridge and instantly felt jealous.
I thought: Enough with the carageenan!
Enough with the lecithins!
That Monday, I pulled out my big bowl, my clothespins, and my ratty old t-shirt.
In the middle of making almond milk, I realized something. Now that I have a dehydrator, I can use the leftover nut pulp. Making milk is not just about the milk. I can make milk AND cookies at the same time!
So that's what I did. Here's the recipe.
Nut and Seed Milk
1/4 cup of your favorite nuts or seeds
Process in a food processor or blender
Add 1 cup water
Let it whiz and churn until white and creamy
Strain through nut milk bag (or old t-shirt, as I do)
This past week, I discovered that hazelnuts break down SO much easier than almonds. Macadamias and hemp seeds do too. Other milks like pumpkin seed, sesame and sunflower have always left a bad taste in my mouth. Brazil nuts and pecans make such amazing butter; why waste their gloriousness on milk that's just okay?
To make the cacaokies, nut or seed pulp is necessary. Dates are too. Together, they make everything stick. Other than that, add what you want!!!
Take leftover pulp from 32 ounces of milk
Add 1 tablespoon of maca powder
Add 1 tablespoon of yacon powder
Add 2 tablespoons of lucuma powder
Add 10 chopped dates
Add cacao nibs
Process until you have a sticky dough*
*If having trouble getting the dough to bind, add agave or flax seed meal
Form into patties
Dehydrate at 105 degrees for 2 hours on each side
These cookies are my favorite breakfast ever. They are PERFECT for IBS. They are light so they don't weigh down my tummy. But they are also full of so many good superfoods. Every time I eat them I feel ready to take on the world!
In 2005, Farty Girl was diagnosed with IBS and lactose intolerance. In 2008, a gluten allergy. Doctors suggested meds.
FG decided to heal her explosive gut with healthy food instead. She read the books. She studied the labels. She sampled the indie brands. Today, she wants to pass that info onto you. In easy-to-digest blogs. But remember. Farty Girl is not a doctor or a nutritionist. She's simply a girl on a crusade to stop farting.