The Black Hole of Nothingness That Is My Guts

On Sunday, my friend Patrick came over to the farm to do "energy work" for me.

He offered.

I had only a slight idea of what he meant by "energy work." Both of us follow similar spiritual practices. So I knew "energy work" would be similar to the greencraft work I do as a solitary.

Mainly, we set out to loosen what he called, "my attachment."

But I figured there would be something "reiki-ish" about it too. It was possible, said Patrick, that the practice could begin to release me from the binds of my IBS, my current self-destructive cycle of smoking and drinking, as well as help me begin to get over getting dicked over.

So I accepted.

Forgive me for not relaying the specific details. There are rules about this. Patrick is a professional. Telling you exactly what he did would only zap his power.

Basically, using methods of our craft - without actually touching me - he entered my body and looked around inside for problems. It was really neat. It was really educational too. And a little like Harry Potter.

HA!

I closed my eyes at the start, so I wouldn't see him doing his little movements and laugh. I mean, we are friends! This is the guy who - two weeks ago - giggled with me as we drunkenly gorged an entire bag of chips and a sixteen-ounce vat of hummus.

Fifteen minutes in, I felt my head buzzing. It was as if each side of my cranium cracked and flapped open. My room went icy cold and goosebumps broke out all along my arms and legs.

It was cool.

Here's what we learned...

Patrick said that my heart and head are clear. So - after months of blaming myself for my last two failed relationships, this was a goddamn symphony to my ears. He said that I am seeing, understanding, and feeling everything correctly. It's not me who's emotionally effed up. I'm good!

The problem is apparently my gut. Shocked? Patrick said, "When I was inside there, I felt like I was inside a black cave of nothingness and misery."




I replied, "Well, I did eat a bagel for lunch."

Ultimately, when I get attached to something, I get attached in my gut. Everything I feel is in my gut. This is why I have so many problems with IBS. The gut can only digest so much by itself. Because I'm digesting my emotions in my gut, I'm having trouble digesting food.

This makes sense, right?

My lungs are struggling too. Interestingly enough, my liver is not. Patrick, who often twists my arm out to the Fire Co, laughed at this. "I was really surprised your liver wasn't in worse shape," he said. "It's a trooper."

What can we learn from this, my dear IBSSers?

Everybody has a specific part, or parts, of their body where they hold stress and pain. Those parts of the body act up and screw up, when emotionally taxed or stressed.




This means, for those of us with IBS, it's imperative that we uncover what parts of our body are weak. It's imperative that we take care of those weak parts. It's imperative that we take care of the whole of ourselves - emotionally and mentally, as well as physically.

We must create peaceful lives for ourselves. We must set aside time to think and rest. We must seek healthy relationships.

We must be our own BFFs!!!

An ad from Ms. Magazine, circa 1984

Did it work?

I think so.

It's been four days since I've been wasted.

My IBS has not flared up.

My guts feel fine.

And my attachment? Ugh... it's a full moon this weekend... Stay tuned.

Instead of focusing on what I can't have, I've been focusing on what I do have...

Flowers at the farm





Six plots to fill with vegetables and a great book to help!

My first ax, named Mauly








Learning how to split wood...

...and drinking Green Dandy Blend Smoothies!









Toots


How do you heal yourself from trauma?


What are you feeling good about this week?


What are you feeling shitty about this week?


Are you planting anything this season?